Let me paint the picture for you. It's Monday April 18th around 10 AM. I'm in the car, just dropping my son off to school. I kept hearing this song in my spirit, "Better" by Tye Tribbett. So I kept playing it over and over again...then I heard God say...it'll get better, just not in the way YOU think it will."
That was it. That was the confirmation. He was preparing me.
Fast forward two days later. My mother had already been in the hospital for about two weeks now due to a fall incident that occurred for the third time. I started receiving calls all day from the nurse to the caseworker, to the doctor. I was working that day but something told me to just go see her. So I message my supervisor and let her know it's a family emergency and I have to leave right away. I'm ready to push the clock out button and received a call:
"Miss Jones, I'm so sorry but, she has passed."
I couldn't breathe for a second. Then I had an outburst of rage and it just completely exploded with the words,
"NO! I WAS ON MY WAY!!!"
My body went into shock. I blacked out. I didn't recognize my surroundings anymore. I had trouble breathing. I felt numb. I felt nothing. I had an anxiety attack. Probably the worst one yet. It lasted a good 30-45 minutes long...not including the aftermath. If you don't know what that feels like, just imagine a physical outer body experience, but also a very mentally triggering experience as well. It took me a while to calm down, but once I did, I called my dad and told him the bad news. I texted my friends. Everyone came over. I felt so much love, and yet felt nothing at all.
Now, it's been 5 months since the passing of her and I still have my moments. The pain doesn't go away. The time in between cries just get longer. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't physically be able to see her anymore, however she's forever in my heart.
I love you, Mommy! Rest well!
💜💜💜