Dealing with depression and anxiety, at times I felt very lonely...like no one ever understood me. When I finally did start to open up about it and when people didn’t judge me, I would always cling onto them. I felt like I found a friend within them that would never leave my side. Kinda like a hero. SIKKKKKEEEEEEE!!!!! Let me tell why you should be careful with choosing your heroes wisely, causeeeee I hate it here!
I’ve had a few heroes in my life. A few role models such as parents and family members as well but I wanna talk about 2 in particular. One of them was my ex-best friend and the other one was my child’s father/ex-boyfriend. Guess what...neither one of they a** in my life like they was before. Ain’t that about a b*tch. But that’s exactly what I mean, by choosing your heroes wisely.
You can NOT depend on everybody. . .
...and you shouldn’t expect anything from anybody, cause it will break your heart when they are no longer available to you or don’t treat you the same. Dealing with depression in relationships is very very hard. Some of the activities that my ex-best friend used to do would actually be triggering for my mental health. When my ex-boyfriend and I got into arguments, he would purposely say hurtful things to me and then apologize for it later on. He didn’t understand the depths to his words. They cut me deep and it would hurt so bad that I would sometimes cry myself into an anxiety attack. It was disappointing from both sides because I had believed that the person I loved ( ex-friend ) or fell in love with ( ex-boyfriend ) were the main people in my corner and that I could go and talk to about any and everything. In the midst of the relationships deteriorating right before my eyes became a very dark place for me. I was still fighting to hold on to those people but, in all reality it started to become more hurtful to hold onto them. There was a disconnection and that’s when it became, “well who do I talk to now.?” Oh and a little sidebar here: yeahhhh, so all this happened within the same year so I felt very very lonely. Y’all know how it is, your best friend pisses you off, you talk to your man. When your man pisses you off, you go talk to your best friend. So you see my dilemma? I felt very overwhelmed and honestly I hate that feeling. So I just shut down. I didn’t even care towards the end about holding onto it, about fighting for it anymore. I just became numb. I felt nothing. Until I went on a road trip with me, myself and my son. Oh wait, I took the dog too! I turned my phone off and everything. I prayed the entire time on that trip.
I must say, I was at my lowest at that point. I didn’t know who to go to and talk about what I was going through. I had lost 2 very important people in my life and I was so depressed over it, and yet I was smiling on my way home from my trip. That’s when I realized that this isn’t something I should be sad over, cause it was exactly what I prayed for. Before all of this happened, I had been asking God to surround me with love and peace. Those people were no longer bringing me love or peace into my life so God showed me and removed them from my life. Then I thought about it more and said to God, “so you’ve been listening to me the entire time.” Again, I ain’t gon preach to ya, but y’all gon get this sprinkle of Jesus tuhday! God has played multiple roles in my life, he’s been my father, my protector, my friend, and my lover. Hear me out, God can provide everything you seek in someone else and then some!!!! And guess what else....HE’S A GREAT LISTENER! I can whisper right now and he can hear me as if I’m talking through a blow horn. So from that moment, I’ve decided that the ONLY hero I will ever need is God. He even said it in his word, he will never leave nor forsake us! So I questioned myself, why am I so upset about people giving up on me, when the main person has been here the entire time? God is my hero and will forever be!
Comentários